the average size penis

***Kim Jong illest*** /

to those of you who have one, congratulations on your condom variety.

words cannot describe how envious i am at the literally THOUSANDS of condom choices you have in front of you



warming sensation



so much to choose from!

the few of us that get stuck with a log, well we get magnums.

ever tried a magnum? they SUCK! imagine using a bike tube for a condom. its like a cock shaped hot-water bottle or whoopie cushion. i swear to god these things are made by goodyear. the LEAST they could do is give them a snow tread

do the condom makers extend their circus of condom varieties to the endowed man? HELL NO THEY DONT! ever tried to wear one that was too small for you? let me put it this way: do you know how they bob a dogs tail? pretty much the same concept

ever end up at her place and forget a condom? good luck, chances are slim at BEST that she was a magnum lying around. she MIGHT have one sitting in the bathroom medicine cabinet, or maybe in her nightstand drawer, but chances are whatever she has lying around is gonna explode like the incredible hulks clothes the second you try to put it on, and if she DOES have spare magnums, you should probably just go home.

one time in high school, my mom walked in on me and my gf. later that night she came home from wal-mart with a box of condoms and said "here, these are for you".

do you KNOW the nightmare of saying to your mother, "sorry mom, but these wont fit, they're too small"

you dont know awkward.

or how about the JOY of sobbing tears and ow ow ow take it out. still want "natural male enhancment"?

so, to all of you out there with the average size penis, i envy you. and to those with a little extra, i salute you.

and for those of you hung like a SEA horse.......

Re: the average size penis

dude, get off my internet

Re: the average size penis

whats a condom

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Re: the average size penis

___________________________ /

Get off the internet!!!



















Re: the average size penis

***Kim Jong illest*** /


you guys all lost your sense of humor or what?

Re: the average size penis

hold up hold up, lets break down exactly what just happened here on this forum. You just indirectly, yet very bluntly, put it out there you have a big penis over the internet

thats like telling a blind paralyzed girl you're the bees knees in the sack. God you're pathetic.

Re: the average size penis

Pics or it didn't happen

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And yo momma wishes you were gay lulz

Re: the average size penis

***Kim Jong illest*** /

eh, that wasnt really the point no.

i was just inspired to write this because my gf signed me up for a condom giveaway not thinking about the size of them. so, i ended up with a ton of fun sounding condoms that i cant use.

it made me think, there must be others out there who have the same issue.

lots of FUN sounding condoms out there, but they dont make any for us.

i dont know why you would take it like THAT. just a little humor to make some chuckles.

i thought the OT was for dick and fart jokes. :/

Re: the average size penis

stop complaining. the bonus of a magnum is no skill necessary for pretty decent sex.

Re: the average size penis

***Kim Jong illest*** /

for her MAYBE, not all ladies dig it. plus the latex on a magnum is SUPER thick so you dont really feel much.

i guess maybe this is niche humor?

Re: the average size penis

condom? get drunk enough and you dont need one.

Re: the average size penis

Why did I read this? Now I just feel like my eyes got raped.

Oh, wait, no, sorry, I meant "got surprise-sexed." Rape is not funny.

Re: the average size penis

1) Cover your stump before you hump

2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker

3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie

4) When in doubt, shroud you spout

5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner

6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong

7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it

8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey

9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter

10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize

11) She won't get sick if you wrap your dick

12) If you go into heat, package your meat

13) While you're undressing Venus, dress up your penis

14) When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse

15) Especially in December, gift wrap your member

16) Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker

17) Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool

18) The right selection, is to protect your erection

19) Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil

20) A crank with armor, will never harm her

21) If you really love her, wear a cover

22) Don't make a mistake, cover your snake

23) Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener

24) If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket

25) No glove, no love

26) If you think she'll sigh, cover old one eye

27) Even If she's eager, protect her beaver

28) No one likes a horse's ass, protect yourself at climax

29) Shield her from the hunt until you shoot her in the cunt

30) Avoid a frown, contain your clown

31) Harness the pygmy man before entering the bearded clam

32) Constrain the little head before you stick it in the shed

33) Put a condom on your dink before you dart it in her sink

34) The weasel you must surround before you please her on the ground

35) Cloak the joker before you poke her

36) Encase that torch before you paint her porch

37) Cape your throbber before you bob her

38) After detection, sheath your erection

39) Before you penetrate, hide your magistrate

40) Don't surprise her, plug your Geyser

41) Cover that lumber before you pump her

42) Protect her wrinkle before you sprinkle

43) She won't bristle if you wrap your whistle

44) House your noodle, then release your strudel

45) Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound

46) Shelter your jerky, then nab that turkey

47) Cage that snake, then shake and bake

48) Cover your peter, it will be much neater

49) Coat that Labrador, then allow him to explore

50) It's always funky to cage your monkey

51) It won't be funny with a coatless dummy

52) It won't be fun with an unwrapped thumb

53) It's not much money to catch your honey

54) Don't be a fool, cover your tool

55) Hood that match, then scratch that thatch

56) Stitch that switch, then itch her niche

57) Wrap that tool to catch the drool

58) It ain't no jibe to protect her hive

59) Contain that sputum before you use him

60) Restrain your log, then plow her bog

61) Glove your pecker before you check her

62) Coat that slimmer before you prime her

63) Condomize then womanize

64) Cover old pete, then grind her meat

65) Guard your peter before you meet her

66) Check your list before you tryst

67) Wrap your bate before you mate

68) Can your worm before you squirm

69) Cover your pipe you dumb ass wipe

70) Contain your lizard, then tickle her gizzard

71) Bag the mole, then do her hole

72) Cuff your carrot before you share it

73) Jail your number, then call the plumber

74) Cover your vein, then drive her insane

75) Wrap that pickle, then slip her a tickle

76) Protect your dink, then fluff her mink

77) Restrain your lantern, then stick it in her cavern

78) Hide ole harry, then take her cherry

79) Wrap that spout, then bore her out

80) Conceal your train, don't cause her pain

81) Guard your bridge, then do her ridge

82) Shroud your trout, then make her shout

83) To make her squat like a turkey, cover your Jerky

84) Box your blister, then poke her in the whiskers

85) Wrap your spout to catch the trout

86) Plug your funnel, then enter the tunnel

87) Cover your steamer before you ream her

88) Protect that fish, then dip it in the dish

89) Contain that bass for a swim in her glass

90) Be sure to wear it to feed her ferret

91) Clothe the boner before you hone her

92) Got no protection? Can't use your erection!

93) Cork your pump or you don't hump

94) No unwrapped stags get between her legs

95) Dress that erection to make a deflection

96) Contain that shanker before you spank her

97) Cap that seeder before you breed her

98) Stop the stream before you cream

99) Secure that ladder, then drain your bladder

100) Protect your screw to catch that glue

101) Package your meat for a real neat treat

102) Holster your gun, then shooting's more fun

103) Canvas that trailer before you nail her

104) Garage the tractor, then attack her

105) Net that grass hopper before you pop her

106) Sock that wanger before you bang her

107) Pen that rooster, she'll be much looser

108) Trim your hardwood, then do her real good

109) Garnish your oak, then give her a poke

110) Pouch your associate, then go fornicate

111) Smother your affiliate before you ejaculate

112) Confine your fascinate before it regurgitates

113) Catch that goat before it bloats

114) Ensnare that barbarian, then do her abdomen

115) Restrain your hammer, then wam bam her

116) Prune that stalk, then make her squawk

117) Wrap that rod, then please her bod

118) Sheath that knife, she ain't your wife

119) House that bottle, then mash her throttle

120) Sash that hash, then thrash that gash

121) Cover your diddle, then fiddle her middle

122) Can your knob, then throb her swab

123) Contain old Doug, then clean her rug

124) Cover your limb before you swim

125) Retain your bailer, then impail her

126) Rope your dope, then make some soap

127) Net your salamander, then make salad in her

128) Cap your flapper, then sniff her snapper

129) Wrap that Steed, then trample her weeds

130) Hat that chef, then scramble her cleft

131) Cover your stone before you bone

132) House your hose, then curl her toes

133) Saddle your penis, then straddle her mean ass

134) Blanket your twitch, then hump that bitch

135) Shield your rocks, then pound her box

136) Cover old sly, then do her dry

137) Wrap your rail, then fill her pail

138) Glove your chimney before you come in me

139) If your nude, tube your dude

140) Cloak your hitter, then go split her

141) Wrap your nipper before you dip her

142) Can your spam, then bam that ma'am

143) Corral your ram, then slice her ham

144) Sheath your sliver, then jab her liver

145) Twist your wick, then stick that prick

146) Cover old Bart, then dart her tart

147) Shed old spot, then do her slot

148) Drawer your pip, then split her lips

149) Contain that leach, then mash her peach

150) Bag your elm, then take the helm

151) Constrain your gem to catch the flem

152) Catch that head cheese, or I won't spread these

153) Constrain that agate you ain't no faggot

154) Survey your land, then plant her stand

155) Before you drive her, protect that diver

156) Sack that slimy smelt, then tan her beaver pelt

157) Wrap that stiffer, then let him sniff her

158) Cover you post, then slice her roast

159) Blanket old juicy, then plug old loosey

160) Balloon your baboon, the moon tune her poon

161) Contain that viper before you pipe her

162) Wrap your whopper, then go bop her

Re: the average size penis

___________________________ /

It's all about the Rape hug!

Problem Solved?

Re: the average size penis

Moped Game Sally Struthers /

when you stretch your flacid penis, it is the same size as the distance between your index finger and your thumb when you make an "L" with your hand. try it in the shower. you will be shocked. now im going to cry in my little hands.

also stop posting.

Re: the average size penis

Ha! Condoms suck. I can't remember the last time I used one, but then I don't bang random brawds... Unfortunatly if you do, they're nessissary.

Re: the average size penis

Little hands, big heart.

Re: the average size penis

Thumb to index finger thing; not true. Foot size as an indicator? Not true.

I think this is taking off topic a little too far. Thanks for sharing.

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Re: the average size penis

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you could have to wear these...

Re: the average size penis

It's true. I have big hands AND big feet and neither of my 18 radially symmetrical penises are very big at all. They do, however, possess bio-luminosity and the ability to deliver a painful sting if disturbed.

Re: the average size penis

Look at it this way: with a big penis at least you aren't boring the OT forum with gun talk.

Re: the average size penis

Damn, this shit is fucking funny!!!

Well josh, looks like you talk the talk, so time to walk the walk. Pictures. today.

Not like I'm calling bullshit, unless your wee-wee is grossly disproportionate to the rest of your king kong size figure, you must possess a real cannon. But inquiring minds want to know. Be sure you take a picture while you gots a real stiffy, anything else would just be weak sauce. And leave your socks on. No need to be obscene!

Re: the average size penis

***Kim Jong illest*** /

hey like i said, im not trying to brag, just trying to make some jokes. if anything, its a curse, not a gift.

besides, you would just say its a pic i pulled off the web, and in my case, its girth more than length, so to show that id have to put something to scale next to my cock, like a lighter or a quarter or something.

aint gonna happen. unless you print it in the next issue of DMP

Re: the average size penis

Let me guess, we'll need an 11x17" format???

Re: the average size penis

Submit a photo to "Get Out & Ride"

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