Cave Entrance, Simon Mountains

You make your way through the portal cast by Old Deezy Kinobi. You stand at the base of a great mountain cliff with narrow cracks in the rock. Moss and vines creep up the base of the cliff. Around you is a vast swamp and many many dead trees. A low fog settles over the landscape. A rotten smell is in the air and the ground feels wet. Looking around you as your fellow adventurers slowly arrive, you see a barely trodden pathway into one of the cracks in the cliff. It is just wide enough for someone to slip through.

If you wish to return to Noob Tavern the portal shall remain open indefinitely.

Portal to Noob Tavern

Re: Cave Entrance, Simon Mountains

find traps

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You find no traps but you do find a series of black silt pits among the swamp edges behind you. If fallen into, they act like quicksand. The cave entrance seems secure and is barely recognizable. If it werent for the stale air wafting from the dark pitchblack crack in the cliff wall you might have missed it.

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May as well look at the map!

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Meditate on the new surroundings.

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I arrive shortly after the others. Before leaving I could not help but search for pistachio shells (1D6 for how many shells I find). I don't care for the looks or smell of the path so I shall attempt to climb the cliff side using the vines.

Re: Cave Entrance, Simon Mountains

Ϫ‡☄ಬ∞ ƀƖḬƝƊ ƤǂƿƎ ∞ಬ☄‡Ϫ - Hoke from Black Pipes Moped Gang /

i appear bearing gifts of gifs and sl33py w33d!

Re: Cave Entrance, Simon Mountains

White Wizard Cast Befuddelment spell!everyone gets two browney points!The Gate Keeper cast the dice>>tag Your It!!

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Tracy Meade /

I'll walk in cautiously. Anyone have a flashlight? (edited)

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Out in the mirky swamps you hear a stir......

You wonder why Deezy hasn't come through the portal yet. You all feel as though you must wait for the great PortalMage..... could he be under psychicserverattack? You feel as though you must wait....

Then....

Out of the bog roars a ferocious mound of roots and vines and mud that rises and rises until it is nearly 15ft tall...you can't tell exactly what it is until the Thing sheds it mud and vegetation....you see now a horrible and obnoxious creature. It stands looking like an old flabby thing with corrective lenses dark green skin and a red truckers hat. It wafts an oder of dead rotting plants and cool ranch doritos. Its fingertips stained orange with powder and its eyes glow bright orange from the cool ranch spice melange.

Out of the portal collapses an exhausted Deezy. He takes one look at the foul beast and cries out, "Sumter Troll!" He makes a motion to attack, and hurls an imagecast of an intelligent feminist author at the beast. "Its weakness is intelligent obscure references! Correct grammar and writing sentences to it in e prime add +1 damage. Attack! "

The Sumter troll smirks and prepares to volley an Annoyance Attack at the brave adventurers.

Re: Cave Entrance, Simon Mountains

bell hooks writes with clarity and erudition. Some might perceive "bell hooks" as an improper use of capitalization. But lo, the celebrated feminist author deliberately chose to spell her name that way to differentiate herself from her grandmother who was given the same name. Also, the unconventional lowercasing signifies what she considers the most important aspect of her works: the "substance of books, not [her personal history]."

[http://media.www.thesandspur.org/media/storage/paper623/news/2006/02/10/News/Bell-Hooks.Speaks.Up-1602355.shtml?norewrite200609102135&sourcedomain=www.thesandspur.org]

Re: Cave Entrance, Simon Mountains

The sumter troll Who's real name is Mongo said no worry mongo just want to ask ? anyone know way to Jefferson Memorial? mongo want to go dance!

Re: Cave Entrance, Simon Mountains

Tracy Meade /

Oh hey, what's up Judah Freidlander.

Re: Cave Entrance, Simon Mountains

(Backstory: I spent a year studying at the Estate of Portlandia, under the mentorship of the Great Dickie Maan Dyyke. I have a satchel full of scrolls that I helped verse, and never knew what to do with. Now that the opportunity presents itself, I shall read a section aloud.)

There is debate about whether Malalai Joya's actions should be considered humanistic or feminist in nature. Although Malalai Joya is deeply concerned for her country’s ability to self-govern, and instating true democracy has arguably been her chief mission over the last few years, Joya acknowledges the gender componant to every issue she fights for. She is not interested in prosecuting war lords for their crimes merely for revenge, or so that the ideal of justice is served; Joya knows that holding war criminals accountable for their crimes is a major step in ending the oppression of Afghan women who have been terrorized by these men for decades. Prosecuting the war lords would send a powerful message to everyone in the country that crimes against humanity—including the use of rape as a weapon—are intolerable. When Joya speaks of education reform in Afghanistan she always recognizes how the majority of girls in her country are denied any education altogether. When she speaks out against the bombings of her country Joya notes how the women that some other countries purport to be “liberating” are actually the innocent victims of their bombs. Yes, Malalai Joya is a humanist concerned with equal rights for all, and she is a person predominantly concerned for the people in her own country, but there is no way Joya could not be considered a feminist activist due to her incorporation of gender issues into every matter she addresses.

Re: Cave Entrance, Simon Mountains

Mad Monk Albo delivers an eloquent blow! 4 sentences plus citation for 10hp of damage.

The Scholarly Em encants a crushing essay lecture with 8 (I think, right?) compound sentenses for a total of 16hp of damage. The Sumter Troll's head explodes and its now lifeless husk falls to its knees before keeling over to its side. The corpse smokes a fine orange dorito powder and oozes with Troll Slime, the manifested bile of wasted life and repressed self loathing. This can be bottled for use in Intelligent attacks on humans as a potion grenade if anyone is interested. As you all peer over your first Troll kill you see the swamp continuing to stir. Deezy congratulates you all on yr first Troll kill and explains the essence of the Trolls evil. He says....

"Since the creation of gromenia a strange evil presence has creeped over the land... the essence of this evil is manifested in Trolls. These creatures are each brought into the realm through a unique portal. Its origin, no one knows. To kill a troll merely slows that evil down, for pretty soon it will appear again. Trolls will and can manifest anywhere in gromenia.... they appear out of the rocks, through the walls and as you saw,out of the swamp. We are getting closer and closer to the realm of Ophtopic where they roam freely. The only problem is no one really has lived and come back sane enough to tell their tale. These sad adventurers may have been pleasant people to begin with but too much time around true weirdos, racists, political extremists and illiterates made them go crazy. They never recovered.... they just became angry...defeated and logged out mentally, which is how they get their name... The Logged Out. We must enter this realm and fortify our and our fellow adventurers Intelligence and Moral and uncover the root of this evil presence. "

As Deezy finishes his speech you hear more of a stir in the swamp. Slowly you see the beginnings of another mound appear. Deezy exclaims, "quickly, into the cave! It will soon reform!"

As you make your way into the cave you get a true sense of the relentless annoyance of trolls and become eager to uncover the root of this evil, and destroy it!

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"Into the cave!" I say, and upon stroking Pole Buddy's base a lamp-like glow emerges from the crooked tip. I lead our group into the crack.

Re: Cave Entrance, Simon Mountains

Lol

Re: Cave Entrance, Simon Mountains

Correct Deezy on use of "creeped" instead of "crept" ("a strange evil presence has creeped over the land...) to avoid reawakening the slain beast.

Grab some glow slime to help light the cave, follow Em. Attempt groping in the dark.

Keep light off my face to prevent the others from noticing my troll ancestry. Be especially wary of Spoo who seems to be quicker of wit than the others.

Re: Cave Entrance, Simon Mountains

Wow this is nerdy. :)

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Resigned to my fate, I give up the futile pursuit of scaling the cliff face and follow into the cave. To fight the darkness I hold aloft a broken Jawa Thyristor. It emits no light.

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THEN SUDDENLY!

In a stunning display of bright lights, and pulsating earth, the smoke settles outside of the cave. The figure is a 20 something Urban youth with a link whip chain made from the bones of missionaries. He is called, Sir Clifford Rock, Justice Time-lord of Indifference in social behavior, and he has joined your band of adventurers.

"Why are we running? Why not just ignore the growing mound til it goes away?" (edited)

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I enter the cave.

(still writing in e-prime)

Re: Cave Entrance, Simon Mountains

That pic looks like sir cliff just farted, what with all the lightning and smoke.

Re: Cave Entrance, Simon Mountains

Deezy, Spoo, Em, Sir Cliff, Albo, Tracy, Robert, Will all proceed into the cave. As you travel the narrow corridors of moldy rock and soot you feel the passage narrow to a near intolerable level. You are reduced to crawling and traveling for what seems like hours on your hands and knees. You notice the bugs and worms that make this cave their home. You notice so many of them you feel as though the mountain is alive.

Finally the cave passage widens and just as you are on your feet again the passage opens to a pitchblack room, the size of which you cannot tell. The walkway remains visible, illuminated ahead for almost a half mile with large flaming torches ahead and you soon realize that you are on some sort of bridge in this open subterranian chamber. Your eyes also begin to pickup what look like orange and blue stars way way in the distance in a near 360 view.

Confused by this strange room, deezy drops a spare torch over the bridge and you see it drop....and drop....and continue to drop until it is just another speck about the same size as the star shapes in the distance.

All are confused with what this dark dark place is. Slowly something stirs in the distance and forms a slow steady electric hum. It grows louder and louder and you see the orange and grey stars grow in size and you get a gnawing sensation that these starlike things are alive in a vast room and have just recognize an intruder into their realm.

Deezy urges everyone to run further down the bridge. The end of this bridge must be at the end of those torches.

Suddenly, two creatures appear from underneath the bridge, one on each side of the party. They appear to be 20ft tall and are the color of dark puke with black long hair. Dressed in a long oversized stained tshirt, boxers and a slew of dead cute furry animals slung over its shoulder, you are more repulsed by the overabundant sores and wounds oozing trollslime and black worms. It weilds an axe where an arm used to be. You have all heard of these trolls. Luckily these are the weaker version. Two Spartafoxilover UnderTrolls. You are trapped!

Suprised by the attack the party looses initiative and the Undertrolls attack. The one ahead of the road knocks Deezy clear off the bridge and you see him vanish into the blackness. The one behind the group, blocking the escape slices at tracy and misses coming within inches of chopping off his head.

Your attack. First come first serve.

Re: Cave Entrance, Simon Mountains

Believing the Spartafoxilover under troll to be week against literacy, I choose to attack with Shakespeare.

I cast Twelfth Night, Act 5, Scene 1 on the under troll in front of us:

"An ass-head, and a coxcomb, and a knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull!"

Re: Cave Entrance, Simon Mountains

Sir Cliff attempts to cast, Magnificent pose, and begins to charge for a dazzling Falcon Punch to obliterate the foul beta trolls

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I chose to Febreze the shit out of them.

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Ferrel child Trevor apears! (Looks hungery)

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spark plug flail beat down!

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I went (without saying it) to opt for going to a wedding over the weekend. There I saw true love. There was also lots of women in dresses and men in fancy tuxedos.

Coming back to reality, I quick-stalk erinL. Cast erinL trance photo.

Troll-Bash-Crushing-Blow with picture of her with guy and "in relationship" status

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