> Papa _ Wrote:
> My mom passing was the absolute hardest part of my life.
> I went through grief and sadness, helpless feeling, guilt. I just wanted
> the world to go away and leave me completely alone.
> I was/am a mommas boy. But our relationship was different because my
> parents divorced and I chose to live with my dad. My mom was deeply
> alcoholic at that time and not fit to parent. Years went by with no
> contact. Eventually, we started talking again. Became close. I moved
> into her house when I was in college (which is how I ended up with my
> cat). We got really close. I found out so much about myself by getting
> to know my mom. It was a great time. Then, she passed away from a
> stroke. She was only in her 50’s. I wanted so much more for her life.
> Time to make up for lost years. We planned on vacations and her
> retirement house in the Bahamas. Life had shit on her and things were
> just getting good and she died. (Now im crying writing this sentence).
> It never gets better. It always hurts. The only relief is that I have
> moved on enough to largely forget her in my day to day life. That sounds
> terrible, but it’s a coping mechanism. I cherish our good times and do
> my best to live a life that she would be proud of. She never told people
> how to live or judged anyone. Even if they were fucking up, she would
> say “you can do whatever you like, but you have to live with the
> consequences”. I owe a lot of my independence and responsibility to
> Sorry if this is unwelcome. I know I got sick of people trying to talk
> to me at that time in my life. Luckily, I could just hand the phone to
> my wife and walk away. I don’t remember it, but my wife said I would
> just leave the house and she didn’t know where I would go. I still can’t
> be sure. I think I just drove around. I remember keeping her throw
> pillow from her couch because it smelled like her. Listening to her
> favorite albums and crying a lot. Probably a weird sight to see driving
> On a mild breezy day, I’ll open the windows, listen to my moms wind
> chime (one of a few things I still have), put on an Edith Piaf album and
> cook one of her recipes. My wife knows what’s up when that happens.
> She’ll give me a hug, and space, to spend some time with my mom. Nobody
> is immortal unless we keep them alive in us somehow. I hope you too find
> a way.
So sorry man, I did not read this until today, I will be a mess when my parents die, were it not for them I would be either dead or in prison, I owe them my life, for they taught me how to live right, I of course being hard headed and stupid thought I knew better and spent a good
ly part of my life raising hell, crashing cars, getting arrested, generally being an asshole, they did not condone any of this and let me know, but always loved me, allowed me to fail, to learn the hard way. I'm grateful beyond words that they are alive to see me changed and sober, I can never repay the love they have shown me, but seem so grateful for the simple things they let me do for them, like carry in rock salt, you would think I gave them a million dollars, my dad tells me that many of his friends kids ignore them after all they did for them, and they are heartbroken, these are well off people who put the kids through school so they could get high paying jobs and they can't give their parents the time of day, assholes, every one...in my eyes anyway. I was an arrogant punk of a kid who thought he Knew better than my parents and I stressed them to no end with my asshole behavior, not to them, but in how I was living, I'm so grateful I saw the light and changed, but I had the knowledge of what to change into, from them, no amount of money can compete with giving a child the knowledge of right and wrong, even if the kid is too stupid to take it when offered, it is in its head. My condolences on the loss of your mother.