Holy forkin shortballs it works!
All things pointed to a bad, worn out clutch (at least in my head...but I don't know what the hell I'm doing) I was going to take the cover off so i drained the oil. It didn't look too bad, I've seen much worse.
I figured oil is cheaper than new clutch parts so I changed the oil. Low and behold, now it runs as it should. The speedo even works (I don't think its even close to accurate but that's why mother science gave us GPS) I need a tail light and a headlight lamp and im good to go.
(Theres that whole "registering it as a motorcycle due to its manual transmission" thing but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.