How to lie about the speed of your moped

Graham Motzing /
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I recently saw a sad/hilarious thread on 'Lovers of Tomos' with a bunch of people lying about their '60 mph tomos's and i thought, "man, thats pretty weak, I guess these new kids out here doing the facebook thing inbetween playing world of warcraft or vaping or whatever don't know the 'international moped friendship organization' rules and best practices for lying about the speed of your moped."

Since i make it a personal goal not to post any useful information on facebook and only troll about tomos oil injectors and shit ( i've been told its an irrelevant social media platform, as opposed to MA which will forever be superior in every way) I figured i'd post the time honored moped speed lying skills that have been handed down through the ages.

From the original dark days before speed parts where moped speed lying was limited to claiming your Sachs went '32' when you damn well knew what those cars passing you were only doing 30 in that school zone, up to the modern era of fake GPS screen shots on your cell phone because 'you cant find a way to hold the gps camera app'.... these grand traditions must be passed on to future generations so they can learn and prosper.

#1 pick a random number above 60 but not too far above 60, make it oddly specific so they know you actually measured it with GPS, don't just say 'like 65'. You can also post something like '59' to avoid further scrutiny, then people won't think you're bragging because they'll say 'well if he was lying he would just round up to 60' even though your mis-tuned k-star actually barely does 50.

(ironically people whose bikes actually go that fast say things like '65' because they only care that they broke a milestone in 5 mph increments and they actually are 10x more concerned about why their carb keeps rattling off above 10k rpm or whether or not that funny sound is detonation, or they shut it down as soon as they see that round number come up because they are scared shitless riding a moped at 60 mph)

#2 claim that you are using speed secrets and that 'its easy' so your vague comments sound mysterious and fancy instead of sound like you don't actually know what is going on'

DONT post any info that people can actually use to determine you are lying like port timing, or jet size. Gearing is a good one that makes it sound like you are going faster than you really are because you can just say as big of gears as you want.

#3 double down, don't ever back off that number and if people really start to press you find someone who went 40 that you passed once to verify that "Oh man I was going like 45 (actually 38) and he was totally going sixty plus that one time he passed me and it was just the two of us and nobody ever saw it happen ever again"

#4- spend all your money on huge pipes and the most ostentatious and flashy speed parts you can find, that way when you post a pic of your bike outside a coffee shop or whatever it will totally look like it goes that fast

#5 don't bring the bike to a rally, if you do tell them that the weather is making your jetting off, or 'you're taking it easy' or better yet you 'blew up your clutch'. best you bring your slow brokeass stocker and say you don't want your 'A' bike to get scratched up in the back of a van bringing it there, this will probably also save you the humiliation of breakdown van. If you absolutely have to bring your bike, make sure it runs as badly as ever (haha, of course it does! ) so you can say its not running right this weekend or have some good excuse.

Well, thats the 5 rules for lying about your moped speed, hopefully this helps some folks out. The community wins when we all lie about our speeds better. (edited)

This single post is part of a larger thread. Start from the top or view this post in context.
Subject Written By Posted
  How to lie about the speed of your mopedTopic by: Graham Motzing Graham Motzing 01/16/19 03:32PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Douglas Binder Douglas Binder 01/16/19 03:41PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: P8R . P8R . 01/16/19 04:18PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Chöschi21 C.K. Chöschi21 C.K. 01/16/19 04:19PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Graham Motzing Graham Motzing 01/16/19 04:23PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: P8R . P8R . 01/19/19 12:15AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: EH FCC of the QCB EH FCC of the QCB 01/20/19 04:30PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: alex . alex . 01/21/19 02:36AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Daniel '' Daniel '' 01/21/19 03:01PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Chöschi21 C.K. Chöschi21 C.K. 01/16/19 03:54PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Dirty30 Dillon Dirty30 Dillon 01/16/19 04:09PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Chöschi21 C.K. Chöschi21 C.K. 01/16/19 04:13PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Jarod V. Jarod V. 01/21/19 04:15PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Chöschi21 C.K. Chöschi21 C.K. 01/21/19 04:28PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Daniel '' Daniel '' 01/21/19 08:14PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Overpriced Parts Overpriced Parts 01/22/19 01:08AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Dirty30 Dillon Dirty30 Dillon 01/22/19 08:42AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Overpriced Parts Overpriced Parts 01/22/19 11:46AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: TOP GUN™ ANDY ⚔ (LSLB) ⚔ TOP GUN™ ANDY ⚔ (LSLB) ⚔ 01/16/19 04:13PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Brandon Weiss (Detective brandon to you) Brandon Weiss (Detective brandon to you) 01/16/19 05:00PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Saabsonettguy . Saabsonettguy . 01/16/19 05:08PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Frank Bailey Frank Bailey 01/16/19 07:29PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: JBOT Admin JBOT Admin 01/17/19 12:03PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: P D P D 01/17/19 12:18PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Thomas TPRF Thomas TPRF 01/17/19 01:15PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Brandon Weiss (Detective brandon to you) Brandon Weiss (Detective brandon to you) 01/17/19 01:20PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Josiah Radebaugh Josiah Radebaugh 01/17/19 02:46PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Thomas TPRF Thomas TPRF 01/17/19 03:56PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Brandon Weiss (Detective brandon to you) Brandon Weiss (Detective brandon to you) 01/17/19 04:51PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Dirty30 Dillon Dirty30 Dillon 01/17/19 05:05PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Graham Motzing Graham Motzing 01/17/19 08:14PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Chöschi21 C.K. Chöschi21 C.K. 01/17/19 04:28PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: «tyler » «tyler » 01/20/19 11:36PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Moby Dick Moby Dick 01/17/19 03:11PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: JBOT Admin JBOT Admin 01/17/19 03:21PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Charlie BUZZARD Charlie BUZZARD 01/16/19 07:30PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Frank Bailey Frank Bailey 01/16/19 07:32PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: * * * * 01/16/19 08:47PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: scrot rash scrot rash 01/16/19 08:49PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Tim R Tim R 01/17/19 09:15AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Bas Autowas Bas Autowas 01/17/19 09:29AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: kevin Smellaflange kevin Smellaflange 01/23/19 12:42PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Thomas TPRF Thomas TPRF 01/17/19 09:37AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Chöschi21 C.K. Chöschi21 C.K. 01/17/19 02:53PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Les B. Les B. 01/17/19 03:15PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Chöschi21 C.K. Chöschi21 C.K. 01/17/19 03:20PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Adam Smith Adam Smith 01/17/19 03:25PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Overpriced Parts Overpriced Parts 01/17/19 04:56PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Chöschi21 C.K. Chöschi21 C.K. 01/17/19 06:10PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Overpriced Parts Overpriced Parts 01/21/19 05:06PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Dirty30 Dillon Dirty30 Dillon 01/21/19 05:07PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Born to be WillD Born to be WillD 01/17/19 05:08PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Born to be WillD Born to be WillD 01/17/19 05:15PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Born to be WillD Born to be WillD 01/17/19 05:17PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Rand Jacobson Rand Jacobson 01/17/19 08:44PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Kevin Bishop Kevin Bishop 01/17/19 10:54PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: P D P D 01/18/19 09:20AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Thomas TPRF Thomas TPRF 01/18/19 09:40AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Graham Motzing Graham Motzing 01/18/19 03:08PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Dirty30 Dillon Dirty30 Dillon 01/18/19 03:15PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: scrot rash scrot rash 01/20/19 06:16PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Chöschi21 C.K. Chöschi21 C.K. 01/18/19 12:17PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Alan Jackson Alan Jackson 01/18/19 03:36PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: weldwizard Jake weldwizard Jake 01/20/19 04:11AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Chöschi21 C.K. Chöschi21 C.K. 01/20/19 06:06AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: baird co baird co 01/20/19 08:05PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Chöschi21 C.K. Chöschi21 C.K. 01/18/19 05:58PM
  How to become a legend without having to work hard!Re: Jesse Stephenson Jesse Stephenson 01/20/19 10:08PM
  Re: How to become a legend without having to work hard!Re: EH FCC of the QCB EH FCC of the QCB 01/20/19 10:59PM
  Re: How to become a legend without having to work hard!Re: Born to be WillD Born to be WillD 01/21/19 02:00PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Jesse Stephenson Jesse Stephenson 01/20/19 10:19PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Trent Anderson Trent Anderson 01/21/19 01:34AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Jesse Stephenson Jesse Stephenson 01/21/19 09:46AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Graham Motzing Graham Motzing 01/21/19 11:22AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Jesse Stephenson Jesse Stephenson 01/21/19 12:24PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Graham Motzing Graham Motzing 01/21/19 12:40PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: JBOT Admin JBOT Admin 01/21/19 02:07PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: ♣Slew Foot♣ ♣Slew Foot♣ 01/23/19 12:28PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Born to be WillD Born to be WillD 01/23/19 01:32PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Alan Jackson Alan Jackson 01/29/19 12:19PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: EH FCC of the QCB EH FCC of the QCB 01/29/19 05:53PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: kevin Smellaflange kevin Smellaflange 01/23/19 01:00PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: baird co baird co 01/23/19 01:30PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Lia the Raven Lia the Raven 01/28/19 09:38PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Gabe Mustane Gabe Mustane 01/29/19 07:34PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Downhill Harvey (OFMC) Downhill Harvey (OFMC) 02/04/19 09:06AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: EH FCC of the QCB EH FCC of the QCB 05/08/20 05:34PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Dirty30 Dillon Dirty30 Dillon 05/08/20 07:49PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Devlin M Devlin M 05/08/20 09:17PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: EH FCC of the QCB EH FCC of the QCB 05/08/20 09:41PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Ryan Miller Ryan Miller 05/08/20 10:39PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Devlin M Devlin M 05/08/20 10:50PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Papa _ Papa _ 05/09/20 05:50AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Sander Mulder Sander Mulder 05/19/20 01:14PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Jesse Stephenson Jesse Stephenson 05/19/20 07:06PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: ♣Slew Foot♣ ♣Slew Foot♣ 05/19/20 10:49PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Papa _ Papa _ 05/09/20 05:52AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Papa _ Papa _ 05/09/20 06:01AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: EH FCC of the QCB EH FCC of the QCB 05/09/20 09:18AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: live ɘvil live ɘvil 05/09/20 09:27AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: EH FCC of the QCB EH FCC of the QCB 05/09/20 05:34PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: ♣Slew Foot♣ ♣Slew Foot♣ 05/09/20 08:58PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Luke Stroehlein Luke Stroehlein 05/09/20 05:32PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Jesse Stephenson Jesse Stephenson 05/09/20 07:15PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: ♣Slew Foot♣ ♣Slew Foot♣ 05/14/20 08:56AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: baird co baird co 05/14/20 01:44PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: ♣Slew Foot♣ ♣Slew Foot♣ 05/15/20 10:56PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Jesse Stephenson Jesse Stephenson 05/14/20 03:42PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: baird co baird co 05/15/20 12:52AM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Thomas Peffer Thomas Peffer 05/15/20 06:51PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Ted Kenny Ted Kenny 05/17/20 09:51PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Papa _ Papa _ 05/19/20 01:56PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Sander Mulder Sander Mulder 05/19/20 02:02PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: P D P D 05/19/20 03:32PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Papa _ Papa _ 05/19/20 03:32PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Ted Kenny Ted Kenny 05/19/20 04:09PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Joe Chang Joe Chang 05/19/20 06:22PM
  Re: How to lie about the speed of your mopedRe: Dirty30 Dillon Dirty30 Dillon 05/19/20 06:52PM

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